Phew, finally off the bus. School’s over, and as soon as your Lisa Frank backpack hits the floor, the Power Rangers are taking over your living room. Between commercials for Kids Bop and the next episode of Wishbone, you’re busy having the fight of your life. Pokémon sleeps for no one. While these staples of the 90s might seem decades in the past, here are four ways to relive those golden years quicker than you can connect with dial-up.
Hold on, Alex Mac. Before you shrink into the metallic pool and slip into the 90s, there are a couple of supplies you’re going to need. Grab your denim scrunchie to hide your twenty-something bed head and venture to the nearest grocery store (preferably via Razor scooter). If your local market doesn’t have a fancy vintage food aisle, just head for the snacks, junk food, and no regrets.
That’s right – throw body-consciousness out the window. If only for the day, you’re a kid again. You have the metabolism of a hummingbird and need to keep your energy up for all of the couch-sitting, recess, and mindless GameBoy activity you’ve got planned for the day.
While some of our most beloved snacks and bad foods have fallen from the shelves – Oreo O’s, Dorito 3D’s, and cartoon-imprinted Eggo waffles – thank goodness there are still some golden oldies that have lived on into the 21st century and survived the health food trend.
First, get the sugary snacks in the cart. Your afternoon cartoon fest wouldn’t be complete without Dunkaroo’s, Gushers, Fruit Roll-Ups, and Pop Rocks. Grab all that and a bag of chips and a box or two of Bagel Bites.
Remember when you used to practically live on your bike/rollerblades/skateboard/scooter? Prior to your current set of wheels (and adult responsibilities ) life was sweet, and staying outside in the afternoon was a must unless Pokémon was on.
Before that sugar high you’re riding drives you straight into the ground, grab a kickball and some friends (who preferably also grew up in the 90s). Hacky sack and Bop-It are also acceptable, and if the weather permits, get out the Slip ‘N’ Slide. Remember, all of these activities will be better the more times you repeat “as if,” “jiggie with it,” and “rad.” And if you manage to double-dog-dare one of your homies, you’re the honorary 90s kid of the day.
Use Your Resources
Ok, so some might consider this cheating, but the Web (which is this new thing you’ve probably never heard of) has a lot of great opportunities to rewatch all those Nick toons, melodramatic Disney teen-dramas, and every Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles battle you could ever hope for.
If you’re really dedicated, see if you can find a copy of Netscape and YouTube the shit out of some dial-up noise.
Now that you’ve got your snacking down, your cholesterol up, and have probably pulled a muscle, it’s time for the entertainment.
Netflix has many cartoons on instant view, if you’re looking for a quick, legal way to get your Nick fix. Wind your way through the morning classics with some Rugrats, Rocko, and Hey Arnold – all of which are on Instant View.
As a child of the 90s, you know how to dig up what you want out of the internet. You grew up with this stuff. You’re an old pro. Classics like Clarissa Explains It All, Daria, and Beevis and Butthead are out there, just waiting to be watched. Strut your 90s tech-cleverness. Retrostatic.com also has a ton of old commercials and TV intros for your viewing pleasure, and don’t forget about the piles of 90s hits on YouTube. Line up your Beanie Babies and sing your heart out to some Spice Girls.
As you ease into the afternoon, go out with some good clean, family-oriented Full House and Growing Pains… because you know you still have the theme songs fully memorized. Admit it.
If you’re a diehard going for the full experience, ditch the Internets. There are still a handful of 90s shows still on the air. While the jokes in The Simpsons might have changed a bit since it started, it’s still going strong.
Nick at Night claims to show older shows, but Family Matters might be the only show not from the 2000s. Scary, isn’t it? Teen Nick has also carved out some air time for old classics.
Get Supa Fly
Why did everyone on TV in the 90s look so frumpy? While the 90s might not have been the best decade for fashion, we all remember it fondly. You might not want to go outside in your pink paisley shorts or Osh Kosh overalls. The light-up LA Gears could maybe stay.
One designer that we’re all familiar with is still making her mark. She was funded by everyone’s school supplies, rainbow lunchboxes, and patterned Trapper Keepers – Lisa Frank.
If your eyes can handle the fluorescent colors and multitude of cute cartoon animals, everyone’s favorite tacky trendsetter has a website where you can stock up on office supplies that will surely make your co-workers jealous. Too embarrassed to flaunt Lisa’s pens, stationery, and endless rolls of stickers? No problem, dude. She’s also got apparel that’s perfect as a nostalgic nightie.