We’re all familiar with energy drinks. They’re marketed to every personality type imaginable and appear to cater to any activity. There are literally dozens upon dozens of them out there made for the athletes, the insomniacs, the bodybuilders, the students, and the coffee drinkers. I’ve never been a huge fan of them generally. I drink my fair share of coffee, but that’s about as crazy as I get.
Recently another type of sketchy, potentially harmful “dietary aid” came to my attention. If energy drinks are the uppers, we’ve gotta have downers, right? What on earth does one do when they’ve had too many energy drinks? What if you’re too hyped up? You take Lazy Cakes.
Lazy Cakes are designed for, “adults who lead a stressful energy drink fueled lifestyle,” according to their site. The packaging is strange and is full of warnings. They’re not for children, and you shouldn’t drive or operate heavy machinery (whatever that might entail). The cover has the Lazy Cakes mascot, Larry, looking pretty stoned and happy. He sits with droopy eyelids above the phrase, “Relaxation Brownies.” They’re definitely targeting the stoner kids with this one.
Despite the small size of one brownie, the serving size is half of what comes in a single wrapped package. You’re suggested to take the other half later that day… to keep you relaxed all day, I guess. The package doesn’t give you much indication as to what might cause such an onset of lethargy, but a closer examination of the Nutritional Information shows 4 grams of melatonin in half the snack. There’s also passion flower extract, rose hips extract, and valerian root extract.
These additives plus the expected onslaught of nasty preservatives left me expecting a pretty disgusting brownie, but I must admit, it wasn’t bad.
So after all this hype, did it actually do anything? No. I got a little tired, but that might have also been due to the fact that I was at work. I noticed nothing and quickly had the whole bar. Nothing. I was just glad I hadn’t paid for it. The warning labels were a let down.
Despite my experience being incredibly lackluster, there is still a backlash rising against Lazy Cakes. According to this article the mayor of Fall River, Mass. wants them banned based on their harmful ingredient, melatonin – a sleep aid. Okay, I’ll agree that it’s probably not the best idea for people to get into the habit of taking sleep aid-laced brownies, but if Mr. Flanagan is going to get behind an ordinance against these snacks, then energy drinks should be treated the same way. Where do you draw the line? Don’t people have the right to ingest what they want?
This law would just be another aspect of control… but then again, so is the subject at hand. It’s funny that we’re constantly trying to maintain an unnatural control over our bodies. We want them to be sped up and slowed down exactly when we’d like. Energy drinks, Lazy Cakes, and medications are all geared toward this mentality. When is it too much?
This also begs the question why prescription drugs and dietary aid like this are both legal, but marijuana isn’t. If busy adults and stressed students want to partake in energy supplements and then use some Lazy Cakes to slow back down, shouldn’t they also be free to use something less abrasive? Apparently we’re all too naive and uneducated to form our own rules about these things.